I'll have the fillet M&Mignon, please.

Don't knock it. It's a little-known fact that the vitamin M found in M&Ms is essential to healthy bovine development. . .



That grass-feeding guy is so behind the times, huh? His poor cows are missing out on all those great corn, chocolate, and potato chip nutrients. It's forced bovine anorexia, really. Shame on WSJ for insinuating that cows should eat grass, thereby promoting body dysmorphic disorder and eating disorders among any cows who happen to be watching this video.

Okay, okay, this is not exactly news--it is, or at least should be, common knowledge that most of the cows here are corn-fed--but I'm in procrastination mode.